FOR a long time, marriages in African societies have been held in high esteem as they bring joy to two families that are brought together.
However, its meaning and value is changing over time as we continue to witness cohabitation that has become prevalent and changing the face of family life.
Many couples today decide to cohabit and live their life as if they were married but they are not legally married.
Though specific reasons for cohabiting may differ, it is a new concept introduced in the last two decades in our African society, as we see the western states experience a decline in the institution of religion.
Amid these changes, most young ones find cohabitation acceptable including couples who don’t plan to get married and also those who were once married.
I received an email from a young lady who has been cohabiting with her partner for over one year after completing her studies in teaching.
During my second year of training, I met a young man whom I started dating and after completing my studies last year, he encouraged me to move in with him as he thought going back to my home town in Rufunsa, would shatter my ambition, read the mail.
However, my relationship with him has recently been characterised by violence as my partner has been against me taking up a job I found a few months ago at one of the local supermarkets therefore, I am thinking of moving out of his house as it is no longer safe for me.
Kindly advise on how I can get some of the items that we bought together during the period that I have stayed with him as he seems not to cooperate, she wrote.
Defined as the co-residence of unmarried partners who live like husband and wife with or without children, cohabiting still does not conform to our African cultural norms.
Today many young people both in employment or not are cohabiting commonly due to the high cost of living and other social reasons.
However, it is during these moments that most women have become more exposed to both physical and emotional violence when they cohabit with men.
Marriage experts have referred to cohabiting as the problem of inertia as what people often fail to recognise is that it increases constraints to remain together before dedication has become clear or matured.
Additionally, in the process of cohabiting when one partner dies without a will, his fiancée does not have the same rights of inheritance as a spouse would have.
Also, in the event that one is experiencing Gender-Based Violence, (GBV) victims of abuse fail to report their partners because they feel the decision made to cohabit will not receive support from their family members as they were not involved, hence they choose to remain silent or fight it alone.
One of the stories that was seen trending on social media this year, was the case involving late rapper DMX (Earl Simmons) fiancée Desiree Lindstrom, who was denied a petition in the New York court, after requesting to be declared his legal common-law wife.
This request was due to the duo having cohabited during the time they stayed together until his death.
In the United States (US) only a minority of states recognise the common law marriage, which is a relationship where the couple lives together for a period of time and make decisions together as if they were a married couple.
In this case, when someone dies without a will, their estate is called intestate, and their assets are distributed according to the state’s intestate laws of inheritance, and it can take considerable time and expense to settle the estate.
Equally, a legal practitioner and gender activist based in Lusaka also agrees that there is no law that recognises cohabiting in Zambia. She said whether one is cohabiting, married, or dating, and experiencing gender-based violence, and feels unsafe in a relationship, there are people and organisations that are ready to help.
The legal practitioner who decided to remain anonymous said so many young people have fallen victims to cohabitation without their parents’ knowledge.
She said what many young people don’t know, is that cohabitation is risky, as the law does not recognise it when no dowry is involved.
Similarly, despite cohabiting being common for couples in urban places, it has also become routine for young girls coming from rural and periurban to cohabit with men as they cannot imagine going back home to face the hardship.
“What we are now seeing today is more couples are gradually falling into cohabitation by spending more sleep over’s as opposed to making decisions based on their relationships.
In cases where the man dies, the woman would be faced with challenges as parents to the man would demand belongings of their son and this leads to emotional abuse and sometimes physical,” she said.
She said we have witnessed on several occasions when the courts in Zambia have dismissed claims of partners cohabiting and having children as long as no bride price is involved, this does not constitute a marriage under the legal system in Zambia.
She said that as we witness cases of domestic violence in couples that are cohabiting, it is important that they formalise their union by asking their partners to pay the bride price and put their lives in order.
“The union of two people has to be done by the marriage act and also through customary law as this is what is currently recognised in the Zambian law,” she noted.
She said whatever property is acquired when cohabiting is supposed to be shared according to who contributed and in the event that one takes the partner to court, this does not translate into marital property but only benefits a partner that contributed in buying.
“Since it has been observed that single mothers and women cohabiting are significantly more likely to experience domestic violence compared with married women, there is need to increase more awareness,” The concerned lawyer said.
She observes that regardless of whatever reasons couples forego to get married legally, they are more challenging circumstances that surround it.
For instance, she observes that couples resort to separating even over simple problems that may arise as they live together.
Further, a good number of couples postpone their commitment with attitudes towards getting married legally. This lack of commitment has also seen the absence of protection in relationships leading to separation.
With so many cases of GBV and passion of crimes that have seen young couples experience, it is only important that couples make proper informed decisions in their relationships.
However fun and economical cohabitation may be, the trend in the changing values and morals that have led to an increase in gender-based violence needs all stakeholders to change their approach in addressing the social vice.
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