PEOPLE choose to lie for many reasons that, in some cases, could be well intended, such as surprising someone with a positive response
over a matter that has been in waiting.
Psychologists have observed that nearly everyone lies from time to time, and that lying out of consideration may even help protect
someone’s feelings or keep stability in a relationship.
In addition, healthy lies often involve holding back or tempering a truth to protect someone’s feelings or help someone.
Usually, such lies must focus on issues of kindness, manners, respect and consideration.
Further, a good way to tell whether your lie is not an issue is to try to assess if the lie is trying to protect your partner’s feelings or it is for self gain, to serve a personal agenda, to manipulate or hide information.
According to studies, men lie more than women. One in 10 men claims to lie regularly and one in three of the 2,000 adults questioned admitted that the lies they tell their partner are serious.
However, just because it is more common to be dishonest from time to time does mean our actions are not taking a toll on our love life,
working career, spiritual growth and our daily interaction with others.
Here are some of the lies contributing to abuse and Gender Based Violence (GBV) among partners: 1. Not disclosing having a child to your partner One discussion with women sparked a debate that resulted from a young woman who did not disclose to her partner that she had a child.
This is one of the serious lies which partners must disclose as and when they start dating, including other important matters, such as health status, any experience of abuse, etc.
Similarly, partners keep witnessing how men father children during marriages and in some instances learning about it after the death of the man.
It is lies like these that cause a lack of trust and create conflicts in relationships.
Such lies could lead to abuse, violence and later divorce.
- Age Age is nothing but a number, most people say.
However, telling the truth can save you some future conflicts. It could also prepare you to effectively resolve any doubt that may
arise from your partner.
And so for the women who usually lie their age to appear younger and the men who lie to appear more mature, both lies are objectively
unhealthy. - Finances Out of the 590 GBV cases in the second quarter of this year reported by the Department of Community Services of the Zambia Police in Chipata – Eastern Province – 73 were economic abuse while 36 were psychological.
When it comes to marriage, economic abuse does not become an issue with most couples, not until the reality of deprivation of needs, general wants, or standard of living happens.
Having to follow a strict budget can be one thing, but a couple going into debt because of one spouse’s poor spending habits could be another.
It could also lead to other negative effects.
Lies concerning finances among partners have been a source of conflict leading to divorce.
It is important to mention your outstanding debts, loans, income sources, investments and other financial assets or obligations.
Matters of finances are important as they can be very inconveniencing to your partner.
Imagine the bailiff or shylock coming to your house to get property
resulting from an unpaid loan.
For partners planning to wed, it is important to state your financial position regardless of how uncomfortable it may be so that your
partner has no high expectations but is aware about your capacity to fund a wedding.
Another common line of thought with young women wishing to get married these days is the thought suggesting that money is not so important to some.
They say as long as they love the man, him being employed or not, or issues related to him having any income of his own, are of no
consequence.
Some people mean it, but with most others, it is a lie.
Money is important in every marriage, not until the pressure of finances dawns on you, coupled with an irresponsible partner who abuses the finances.
That is when money becomes important.
People must understand that in many phases of life, being open to about various things, including finances in relationship, is integral. - Your intake of alcohol
A young woman broke the news of a marriage proposal to her family. One of the questions asked by her father was, does your partner drink?
In response, the young woman said just a bit.
Her father demanded for a detailed explanation of the response, not that he despised people who took alcohol, but was interested on what
“just a bit” entailed, and all he could see from his daughter was her eyes fixed with awe on him.
Certain times, we are not really sure why people lie about alcohol consumption unless there are addiction issues, though honesty is the
best thing to do.
This is because not disclosing may have a big bearing on life in future.
In so many important ways, partners are very much aware but drowned with love and assume that they will fix the problem once in marriage.
So after the couple walk down the aisle, into weeks that followed, then months and years and unresolved traumas that resulted from abuse, emotional neglect, failed past relationships which led to abusing alcohol in their adulthood, spill over into the relationship.
To those that abuse alcohol, honesty may be your ticket in getting help and seeking therapy to face what influences the abuse and the addiction you may be experiencing, with the hope of having a healthy relationship. - I hate social media (WhatsApp, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook) Stop lying! You do not hate it.Most of us, if not all who value information, wish to have access to communication through social media.
Some scholars describe it as food for our curiosity; it’s entertaining, it can be funny, and if used positively, it is a great
way to get information about people and other important happenings in today’s living.
Purposely lying has seen some people being caught up watching pornographic videos in their cars or offices, having private
conversations, cheating on their partners on other social media platforms.
If you are struggling with telling lies in a relationship, it is time you seek help as this is a pattern that may not just be ordinary lying.
It could be a perpetual habit or behaviour that has outgrown you and may affect your relationship and interactions with other people.
Therapy may be the only solution . For comments,jessiengm@gmail.com
