THIS is a special month and year for every Zambian as we are celebrating our independence golden jubilee.
As a lot of lessons are learnt for this country to come this far, even from the 60’s -80’s Zambian weddings, there is a lot to be learnt as they were stress-free, memorable and elegant.
Many shared their wedding stories how they organised them, grateful to all those who shared their story. This can best be done by going back 50 years to learn more, come with me, won’t you?
The parents made a research as to which home or family they wanted their children to marry or get married from, a lot of factors were put into consideration.
They wanted a wife of noble character, husband who can take care of his wife and children as the head of the household, while their families were expected to follow suit peaceful, hardworking and loving people in the community which they lived in, so they knew very well which home can produce a good wife and husband.
Many got engaged while they were still very young, this getting engaged should not be mistaken for early forced marriages despite being engaged early, they got married when they were of age, some did not get married to those who were chosen by their parents but at least the emphasis was on marring someone who was from a loving and caring family that had proved to be of excellence in the community.
The ladies and gentlemen managed to finish their secondary and college education, early engagement did not disturb them in any way until they had enough time to know each other so they never married strangers; eventually, they knew each other better over time.
Parents were both involved and concerned about who would marry their children, so this worked and marriages have proved to last the test of time, to an extent that they look like brother and sister.
Those years, parents took up the role of raising and training their children in a way that they wanted them to go which was a pleasing manner.
This important trend slowly began to fade away in the early 90’s, parents failed to nurture their children because both were overloaded by their jobs or there is a single parent trying to raise children alone and to make matters worse parents are expecting the teachers to raise these children whom they have not even met, do not go to the schools that their children attend on regular bases.
A taxi driver is paid to take the children to school so the teacher is more familiar with the taxi driver than the unknown parent.
Fortunately again, there is what i can term as child-rearing system which is emerging based on extended families linked by blood or joint concerns.
Children are reared locked out of the functioning society and have no prospect of grasping the complexities of our knowledge based universe.
Parents were involved and had a say in the marriages of their children from the beginning, they made the right choice for their children and marriages were built on a strong foundation, unlike nowadays as a parent you not involved from the dating session.
Seated and enjoying the day that the Lord has made, your beloved child in whom you are well pleased, appears to tell you that they have found someone who they want to marry or want to get married to, “we love each other”, the known bad behavior will change upon getting married mmm!
Upon hearing the latest development one is left with a task to find out who this person is. These have caused situations where the wife is not in good terms with the mother-in-law, sister in laws, how then shall we enjoy our marriages brethren if we are not in good terms with our in laws?
I pose while you ponder over this thought and that thought is, parents decide which school their children will attend, the type and colour of attire they wear, what type of food is suitable from the time they come into this world, why can’t they make a choice for their children when it comes to who they should marry?
After the bride and groom were ready for marriage, a marriage negotiator was chosen, mainly a family member, it was strictly one who had proved to be a good husband and father. Keep an eye on this man as he will be talked about later in this article, he plays an important role.
The dowry had to be paid in full before the wedding day; K150 was a common figure between the 70’s and 80’s. This was not the fixed amount, others paid more while others paid less or even livestock.
Part of this money was used to foot the wedding budget and was enough to have a memorable wedding.
Before the actual day of the wedding, the groom was taught about marriage for a week, while the bride on the other hand was taught for three weeks, during this period the bride and groom were not allowed to see each other, only communicating with short letters was allowed.
The marriage negotiator was the letter man, collected from the groom and took it to the bride then waited for a reply, amazing! The person who taught the groom was different from the marriage negotiator and was not to be seen or known by members of the public.
Unlike nowadays the marriage negotiator is the same one teaching the groom, as a result he is known by everyone, when a groom behaves in an unworthy manner this is linked to the teacher, there is too much familiarity, and the teacher is termed as the chief influencer.
The groom was in-charge of buying the wedding suit, wedding dress, rings and shoes; no bouquet was carried by the bride. The items were mainly bought in South Africa relatively because it was cheaper and available.
The bridal party consisted of the chief bridesmaids and chief best man, to reduce on spending more and these two cannot miss because they sign on marriage certificates as witnesses. Order! Is what everyone having a wedding expects, invitation cards were sent only to those who were believed can add value, their homes and marriages were in order.
The guest list was 100 or even less.
The day of the traditional wedding which was mainly done on Saturday, the bride was dressed in her wedding dress escorted by her family members, close friends and relatives from where a road begins and the groom came in the opposite direction walking towards the bride and a stick was put in the middle as a meeting place.
When they reached near the stick, they were requested to walk four steps to reach the stick and that was it, they were married traditionally.
On Sunday, the marriage officiator blessed the couple in Church and pronounced them as husband and wife, then after a reception celebration, ate, drunk and had fun this was only by invitation as a way to appreciate those that rendered a useful service.
The two day tradition and Christian wedding is still happening in some part of Africa but in Zambia the traditional wedding has been phased off, it has turned into kitchen party.
A guest of honor was present to do that which they do best and this role was performed by marriage officiator/ pastor. Matrons, wedding cake, decorations, instrumental music, Dee Jay and knife bearer were not part and parcel of 60’s -80’s weddings.
The running up and down was spearheaded by the wedding organiser, who we are calling today as a wedding planners. These individuals worked together with the marriage negotiator.
The programme for the reception celebration was handled by the marriage negotiator as he was the master of ceremonies and was not hired to do all these things and yet he worked whole-heartedly to do.
The role of marriage negotiator was very important as this person was a family member, trainer, someone who offered guidance, facilitator, spokesperson and consultant. His duties continued even after the wedding, his role ended when he died.
The playing of instrumental music was not allowed and was a serious rule on wedding that were held on mission grounds, what was common was singing without instrumentals, and this was done by church choirs together with the invited guests. If you can speak, you can sing only if you put your mind to it.
The 60’s, 70’s and 80’s wedding were stress-free, affordable and memorable because both families were in one accord and they were happy, in support of the marriage.
Part of the bride price was used for wedding preparations and the community played a vital role as they brought in food stuffs from their respective homes. Beverages, presents and anything that was of need to the newly wed were brought in by the community as well.
The invited guests brought these things at free will. No one was interested in emptying the bride and grooms wallets and did not steal what was for the function.
There was nothing like the hiring of outsiders to do the job, anyone worked according to their own capacity and planning a successful wedding took one year.
Ichilangamulilo was done before the wedding with just a few food stuffs to teach and not to show off and amatebeto was given after the couple had been married for a long time, it was done even when the couple had children and grandchildren.
A wedding is a celebration and not a business venture, it should not be a time to show off or please people, much respect must be given to this. Even if you are just hired do not focus only on receiving money, your attitudes towards those invited and the family members should be good.
Bring the vision of the bride and groom into reality. Remember that your reputation is made by others, but your character is made by you.
To have a memorable wedding, it is important to have a good, mature and small team that will be able to support you as you enter into marriage without imparting you with fear. It is better to be associated with a few who are right than with a mob which is wrong because right is always the winner in the end. For comments and contributions:
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