Dinner at the Radisson
Published On August 1, 2015 » 1382 Views» By Davies M.M Chanda » Features
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Njombwinjo - newMY wife Amake Pachikani says there is no need for any woman to be rude and/or impolite when she is accosted by a man who even when he knows she is married, is trying to seduce her and lead her into sin. She says it is always good to be nice to people even if they are fools. Sooner than later, their folly will catch up with them.

“You don’t react foolishly to a fool,” she reasons. “He might act his real self, the fool, be foolish and embarrass you.”

She once told me of some riff raff she encountered loitering in the corridors of Kamwala shopping area at a time when she was restlessly waiting for her fellow women, colleagues from the church, so they could procure some materials for decorating the church. This nut, filthy as he was, got so mesmerised by my wife’s beautiful behind he made his admiration loud and clear.

“Ba auntie mwalikwata amatako ayasuma (aunt you’ve got lovely buttocks),” he said crudely. “But anyway, teti mifwaye (but anyway, I can’t propose love to you).”

My wife said thank you for the compliment, with a full smile and said no more. The vagabond slowly walked on and made a similar comment about the behind of another woman who reacted angrily and told him he was so filthy and worthless even if he proposed love to her, she would be happier accepting a baboon from the forest than him. That set him off into a torrent of verbal abuse so acidic people started paying attention and, as usual, some started laughing and giving him cause for more of his verbal diarrhea.

“Abakwete imbokoshi special ba auntie aba nimbeba ati balikwata contraband proper kunuma tabacintuka…nabasumina balanda nokulanda ati chilumendo naiwe uli musuma, thank you, Lesa akupale. Nomba iwe ka….(obscene word) kuti ulentuka…! Ine baboon? Wabe …(obscene word) foosek waumfwa! Nokuba tematako yobe ufwelefye amasaka muli bombasa ati ema hips…wabe… foosek! (The one who has a special, beautiful backside, this auntie here…I told her that she is carrying beautiful contraband behind her …she didn’t insult me. She just accepted and told me that I am also good-looking, thanked me and said God should bless me. So who do you think you are, you, to insult me? Me a baboon? Get lost, hear me! In fact those are not even your buttocks; you just stuffed your underpants with sack material to look like you have large hips! Get lost!” (He tainted this diatribe with several obscene words).

Even if in the end, some reasonable characters threatened the vagabond with a beating if he insulted our mothers in the street, the character walked away still showering obscenities at the woman. I suppose that that truly illustrated why Amake Pachikani answers every nincompoop politely even when she has no interest in the subjects they are on about or would like to introduce.

This particular time, she was by the recently-opened East Park Mall on Great East Road when, in her own words, this good-looking man parked his expensive car, locked it and stared intently at her as she passed by on her way to her Toyota Starlet.

“Hi ma’am,” he greeted as she passed by.

“Hi how are you, sir?” she responded enthusiastically as if she had known the man all along.

“I’m fine. You are not in a hurry, ma’am…?” he asked her.

“Not really,” she responded. “I’m just going home.”

“Where’s that?” he persisted with his curious inquisition.

“I stay in Avondale, sir,” she told him.

“You look extremely smashing in that Chitenge outfit,” he flattered.

“Oh thank you, sir. You also look smart in that suit,” she reciprocated.

He laughed loudly, obviously pleased with himself.

“That makes two of us, eh! Don’t they say it takes two to tango?” he laughed again while Amake Pachikani smiled coyly, waiting for him to finish his act and let her drive off.

“We can have a drink, on me, madam?” he tried. “Home will be still waiting for you after the drink. It won’t run away! Then we can get to know one another perhaps…? I kind of like you.”

“Not just now, sorry, sir,” she tried to politely put him off.

“But when then?’ he pushed. “Or maybe you can spare time for dinner with me? At the Radisson or the Intercontinental…or any place of your choice!”

“That would be great!” answered my wife. “Sure. We CAN have dinner, sir.”

“Fantastic!” exclaimed the man. “Is tonight too soon?”

“Maybe not,” she said reassuringly. “I can confirm by 15:00 hours.”

“Ok. What’s your name by the way…?”

She told him her first name and he said he was Chris. He asked for her phone number but she said he should give her his number instead as she would have to call him to confirm the date. He gave her his number. And they agreed it would be the Radisson at 19:00 hours.

“I’m really looking forward to see you again, cute,” he said encouraged by her reaction. “I hope you WILL call me and make the date.”

“No problem,” she assured. “I will not let you down.”

She later confirmed the dinner outing as agreed and he told her how to move once at the hotel (for she had never been to the Radisson).

At the appointed hour, almost on the dot, my wife, Amake Pachikani, dressed in deep purple dinner dress, white high-heeled shoes, and a wig that spilled hairs down to her shoulders walked into the dining area. Gorgeous by any standards! She saw Chris, who was anxiously looking out for her and walked towards him. He stood from the table, walked towards her and received her with a warm hug.

“You look even better than when we met earlier,” he said, leading her to a table.

As per our agreement, I was walking some five metres behind her, as if I was on my own. Before he could seat her, she shouted out to me.

“Over here, honey!” she said beckoning. And as I approached the table, “Chris, this is my husband, Mix. He said he would be bored alone at home so I asked him over. I hope you don’t mind him…? Honey, this is Chris, the new friend I told you about.”

Obviously, Chris was stunned by the turn of events. He had not bargained for a potential new catch that would come to his expensive dinner invitation at the 5-Star Radisson Blu Hotel with her husband. His attempts to appear unperturbed failed lamentably. Blacks don’t blush I’m told but there was a deep shade of colour that rapidly crossed his face which clearly betrayed his unpreparedness and even uncertainty about what would follow. He nevertheless called the waiter and asked the two of us to choose what we would eat.

My wife said we should go for the buffet, and the three of us dully collected our food. There was some semblance of conversation though it was clearly laboured. As we sat, his phone rang.

“Hullo Boyd…” he answered. “Now, now, now yes! That consignment HAS arrived at Dar but…excuse me (to us, as he left the table and went to discuss with whoever was on the other side).

We started to eat and paid little attention as he kept fidgeting and taking steps further and further away from us. He disappeared towards the bar still talking on the phone, as we continued eating.

“You are a genius!” I told my wife. “Wamuchita nayo (You’ve punched him) below the belt!

We finished eating and still there was no sign of Chris. I walked to the bar, peered around for him, but he was nowhere to be seen. There were very few people if he was around, I would have noticed him easily. I went into the Gents’ toilet and checked room by room: All were vacant. No Chris! He had fled, obviously.

We paid for our two dishes.

“What about this plate, sir…is he still coming?” asked the waiter.

“I suppose so,” answered my wife.

“What if… er…maybe I should take the food away and keep it up there since you are leaving?”

“Yes. I think you should,” she answered. “We don’t know the gentleman. We just joined him at the table.”

As we walked away, I told Amake Pachikani this had been a good adventure but rather expensive. We had paid K220 each for the dinner! Not a small price to pay for teaching a lecherous man a lesson, or for being polite to fools.

“Ha! Ha! Ha! Imwe! Benangu bazakulikitani ma setting ayo (Someone will clobber you for that),” reasoned Dexter Kabotolo when I narrated the incident to him and Stakes ‘Girls’ Chitambo some days later.

I think whatever else happens in future, this incident gave me confidence that I can still trust my wife. Hey sweet Make Pachikani, you are a smart!

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