Am I haunted by my dead husband?
Published On April 9, 2016 » 1624 Views» By Hildah Lumba » Letters to the Editor
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Tell me JosephineI LOST my husband who died in a car accident three years ago. Since I come from a very religious family, my relatives refused the suggestion from my mother-in-law to be traditionally cleansed.
All was well till I remarried four months ago. Whenever I am making love to my current husband, I feel a strange presence of my late husband.
Believe you me, this only happens when I am making love to my husband. Though I haven’t told anyone, the feeling is scary and disarming. What should I do?
Regina
Mumbwa

Dear Regina
Since you claim to come from a very religious family the so called eery experiences that you describe here should not scare you.
In Ecclesiastes 9:5, the Bible tells us that “For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing; they have no further reward, and even their name is forgotten.”
I think despite refusing to be cleansed, at the back of your mind you felt something was amiss.
The thoughts of your husband coming back to haunt you is coming from your sub conscious which is a very powerful place of storing emotions.
Ignore what you are going through and pray about it.

My boy friend cried during sex
Dear Josephine
Something strange happened during our love making last week. My boy friend cried and I failed to understand why since he could not also explain his behaviour.  What could be the reason he cried?
Hildah L
Ndola

Dear Hildah L
Though I can’t clearly figure this one out, I have heard of people who are carried away in ecstasy and cry during sex. I think he was enjoying the act, thats why he cried.

I am attracted to young girls
Dear Josephine
I am a teacher by profession and got married to a very beautiful woman recently. The only problem is that my sexual experience with pupils most of them who were under-age seems to be affecting my sex life now since this is the only age group that turns me on.
I can only have sex with my wife if I fantasise about the relationship I had with teenage girls. What should I do?
Mwalimu
Lusaka

Dear Mwalimu
Our society is governed by morals which could be both modern and traditional apart from being within the confines of the law.
All of them apart from tradition ethos state that a girl who is in her teens is  classified as a child.
Though one might look visibly full grown, she is definitely not  fully mature yet.
What you were doing was wrong and I am happy that it is haunting you to your matrimonial bed.
The solution though is to continue having sex with your wife and brush the fantasies of sleeping with teenagers memories that will fade away with time.

Is dirty talk in bed OK?
Dear Josephine
I am married to a man who talks dirty in bed. He argues that he cannot have sex without talking dirty.
Since am Christian, I have warned him about this but he forgets when he gets carried away in the heat of passion and almost takes on a persona that makes him mouth erotic communication that increases with sexual arousal? What should I do to make him stop?
Barbara C
Kitwe

Dear Barbara C
Don’t be too harsh on your man. Research has shown that the brain is considered a more powerful sexual organ than even male and female genitalia because it’s where sex drive stems from.
The right amount of dirty talk will excite the mind. However, there is a difference in how each gender’s system works in the brain.
Though not discussed, a lot of people enjoy dirty talking because it activates all regions of  the brain at the same time stimulating the brain.
However, the talk should border on endearments than vulgarities.

Is sex with a circumcised man different?
Dear Josephine
We enjoy sex though my husband is uncircumcised. My friend who has a husband who got recently circumcised says her husband’s sex performance has improved. Is it true that circumcised men are better in bed?
Georgina M

Dear Georgina M
Circumcision is one of the most hotly debated sexual health issues in the medical community. However, there isn’t any clear benefit to circumcise or not to circumcise.
The circumcision debate often boils down to sexual pleasure and hygiene. But does going foreskin-free affect pleasure for the man or woman?
When someone is uncircumcised, moisture can get trapped between his penis and his foreskin, creating the ideal environment for bacteria to incubate.
Though research has shown that men who aren’t circumcised are more likely to pass along any infections like yeast infections, UTIs, and STDs (particularly HPV and HIV), thorough washing can prevent this.
On pleasure there’s no clear-cut answer how circumcision affects female pleasure. One recent study from Denmark found that women with circumcised spouses were twice as likely to report dissatisfaction in the sack than those with uncircumcised hubbies.
Some research has also shown that women with circumcised partners are three times more likely to experience sexual pain than women with uncircumcised spouses.
So tell your friend that you enjoy sex with your uncircumcised husband and thus there is no need for him to be circumcised.

My cruel stepmother wants support from me
Dear Josephine
I was brought up by a very cruel step mother who mistreated me together with my brothers and sisters when we were growing up.
However, my father really loves this woman and ignored all our complaints against this woman.
Despite my father being rich, we dressed poorly and were under-fed.
My step mother also told me that I would amount to nothing since I was a useless person who would never make it in life.
Now I have finished school and work for myself. My father and my step mother have since retired and settled on a farm.
Of late they have fallen on hard times and guess who is asking for support from me. My step mother.
Though I am a Christian, memories of the mistreatment come flooding back each time, I hear her voice or see her. What should I do?
Diana C

Dear Diana C
I would advise you from a Christian perspective. I think you are over-reacting since the Bible reminds us that vengeance is for God.
Let bygones be bygones and help your parents with whatever they need.

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