As the world evolves, new lifestyle trends continue to  encroach on the rich African tradition and culture.
Among what is trending now is the issue of sleepovers.
Many parents are increasingly under pressure from their children who are ever asking if they could go for a sleepover, usually at a friend’s place.
While some parents feel it is fine for their children to go for these sleepovers, others have remained old fashioned and do not allow their children to fulfill their desires.
It is, however, disturbing to see just how some parents are willing to allow their children to sleep at homes of people they know nothing about.
It is important to note that it is the job of every parent to ensure that their children are safe all the time.
“I do not allow my daughter who is 13 to go for a sleep over because at her age, I do not trust her to be able to understand between appropriate and inappropriate adult (or teenage) behavior,” one parent said.
Many children have been abused or mistreated by family members at their homes so what more at a ‘stranger’s’ house.
“I do not understand why many parents allow their children to go for sleepovers even when they are no happy about the whole thing.
“I hear many of them telling their children that if you are at someone’s house and anyone touches you inappropriately or shows you pictures of naked people, I want you to call me right away,” one parent said.
It is necessary for parents to know that it is very unlikely that a child in this situation will actually call for help, even after being told to do so by his/her parents.  But even if the child calls for help, the abuse would already have already taken place.
Child abuse is so rampant today and parents should be on the look out to ensure that their child is not at risk through these sleepovers.
A long time ago such sleepovers were unheard of as people only spent nights at relatives’ homes.
“Not too long ago, my neighbour was arrested for child molestation. My daughter, then in primary school, had spent the nights at his home on several occassions. When I got the news I had to have a very uncomfortable conversation with my daughter but was satisfied that nothing happened  while she was in his home,” another parent said.
One child explained that he went for a sleepover where his friend’s elder sister started talking about things that made him uncomfortable.
“So I called my mother and she came and got me,” he said.
If  you had to have a peek into some of the homes where children do sleepovers, you will find that underage children watch adult movies smok and drinking beer.
Other children at these sleepovers engage in what would easily be considered as serious sex offences.
Boys peep in on the girls while they are dressing up or bathing. And in this age of smart phones, there is so much more potential for children to get themselves into serious problems during sleepovers as some of them watch pornography and engage in same-age sex play and experiments.
Experts advise against sleepovers but add that children should be allowed to play as long as they want and that when it is time to sleep, let them go home.
Additionally, experts say that nothing good ever happens in the wee hours of the night.
Most of what happens at sleepovers is deemed “innocent fun,” but is actually really bad to some children.
Some parents have been wrongly accused of rape or indecent assault just after hosting a sleepover at their house.
“Some children can misunderstand something you say or do and accuse you of something evil while others can completely make up a story just to punish your child. When we forbid other people to sleep at our houses, it protects everyone,” one expert said.
He advised parents to only allow sleepovers for close family members and this should also be done with caution.
In some homes, one child was shocked to see how a father was beating the mother and the children. Arguing was also the order of the day despite her presence.
“The family looked “normal” on the outside and my parents had no idea this was happening in that home,” she said.
Some parents complained that children at sleepovers engaged in same sex intimacy and kissed.
They also watch pornography and bully each other. Others send naked pictures of themselves and engage in sexting.
Some children actually sneak out of these homes, steal their parents’ cars and go drinking and smoking.
As stated above, issues of molestation and vandalism are also reported during these sleepovers.
It is true to say that there are lots of places where children can be in danger but sleepovers could definitely ruin lives.
“I was raped by my best friend’s father at age fourteen while at a sleepover. This happened a long time ago. I am almost 50 now and I have never healed,” one woman said.
“My older sister and I were sexually abused after my older sister begged to sleep over at a friend’s house when she was nine years and I was six years old. Our father only allowed her to go if we went together, because he thought that would be safer. But it was not safe.
To date, our father, with tears in his eyes, says “I am sorry, I should have known better. I am your father, it was my job to protect you and I failed.”
Those are words no father should have to tell their child for the outcome of what seemed a simple, innocent sleepover.
As one relationship expert says, “When the lights go out, when adults are out of reach. It really just takes a second, but the residue from the act follows through life and alters the lives of both the parents and the children. The innocent child loses normalcy and the family fails to heal.”
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