AT 22, Muchembele was a picture of youth and beauty. She was enjoying the activities at the University of Zambia. Her studies were challenging. Her teachers were good.
Life seemed so much fun, and so much more lay ahead of her. One day she met Mwamba, 24, a fellow student, and after that her life seemed to take an additional hue and glow.
Muchembele and Mwamba shared so much in common, worshipped in the same nearby Seventh-day Adventist Church, and had a clear perception of future goals.
It looked as if they were made for each other. One evening, they walked to the pool of water which is near the entrance at the university. The waters reflected the golden orange of a setting sun.
The trees were gently swaying. A summer breeze was bringing in the coolness of the north. ‘‘This is the time,’’ thought Mwamba, and asked Muchembele something he had asked her months before: “Will you be my steady date?
I love you. “Yes,” said Muchembele, and it seemed as if she were in a different world altogether, floating in the openness of love and promise.
Muchembele’s answer was not a hasty one. It followed a lot of thought, counseling, and prayer.
The first time Mwamba put that question to her, she was not sure. She wanted time.
She talked to a Christian teacher, whom she trusted. She counselled with her pastor. Weeks after much thought and prayer, she was ready to say “Yes. “
Marriage is important, but preparation for marriage is just as important.
Choosing a marriage partner is one of the most important steps a young person takes in life. Such a decision must not be taken lightly or hastily.
Experience suggests that there are at least four criteria young people should examine in their quest for a life partner.
Choosing a life partner: four criteria Readiness. Readiness implies maturity of both parties for courtship and marriage.
Maturity can often be measured by the way you answer the following questions: Are you ready for the challenges and joys of married life?
Have you come out of the confusion and conflicts typical of adolescence? Are you balanced and responsible? Do you know how to relate to others altruistically?
Can you think through and solve a problem, or do you tend to let problems overwhelm you?
Do you understand and accept the sacred and undying nature of marriage? Have you developed wholesome and appropriate attitudes toward sex?
Do you know what true love is? Do you have a positive religious experience?
Compatibility.  Incompatibility between husband and wife is one of the primary causes for marriage break-ups.
Young people contemplating marriage need to evaluate their compatibility.
Test yourself by asking some hard questions: Do you feel comfortable with the way you communicate with each other?
Is it easy for you to establish a successful dialogue? Are you comfortable with the other’s manners and lifestyle?
Are the ways in which you express affection pleasant or discomforting to either one or both?
Are you comfortable with each other’s temperament?
Communication is a key element in compatibility.
If you find during courtship that you have communication difficulties and that even a simple discussion leads to serious misunderstandings, heated arguments, and shouting matches, chances are you will face similar problems even after marriage.
Yes, any problem can be solved, given love, mutual understanding, and tolerance, but why take the risk? Better end the relationship before you enter marriage commitment.
Another strong element in building compatibility is a sense of basic agreement. During courtship, have you sensed a growing list of topics that you would rather not talk about?
Is there basic disagreement between you on the important things in life? Do you have significant differences about values, religious beliefs and practices, or friends?
Any serious differences in these areas should alert you to the possibility of incompatibility in marriage.
Homogamy.  The word may sound strange, but it has a simple meaning: likeness. Research shows that partners who share common characteristics in certain crucial areas have a better probability of success in marriage than those who do not.
These areas include age, religion, education, intelligence, and social, cultural, and ethnic background.
In this story we have Muchembele coming from Chief Mwanachingwala in Southern Province, while Mwamba comes from Chief Mumpolokoso in Northern Province.
This does not mean that marriage between persons who differ in tribe or any of these areas will inevitably fail.
Given time and effort, mature Christians who are otherwise compatible can work out differences in one or more of these areas.
However, research indicates that the more common factors the partners share, the less difficult marital adjustment will be. And when conflicts do arise, the easier it will be to make needed adjustments.
Spiritual commitment.  The most important factor for success in any aspect of life is a positive relationship with God.
This is particularly true in marriage. When two persons with different religious commitments and preferences choose to marry, they are putting their marital stability in serious jeopardy.
Such a high-risk marriage also puts the children in serious trouble.
When Muchembele said “Yes” to Mwamba, she had already given serious consideration to each of these criteria, and was quite certain that she was taking the right step.
After she got back to the dorm that evening,   her best friend immediately sensed that something had happened.
Soon they were discussing all the exciting details. But after a while, Muchembele grew pensive and shared some worries with her friend.
Muchembele had seen many relationships as happy as hers turn sour.
She did not want this to happen to her, and wondered if there were any secrets that could help a couple to have a successful and happy courtship.
She knew that habits initiated during courtship days establish patterns that frequently follow into marriage.
She wanted a happy marriage; therefore, she wanted their courtship to be a happy and enriching experience that could contribute to their personal growth and fulfillment.
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