THE mother of the groom has to look fabulous on her son’s wedding, the tips on how she can select her dress, accessories, shoes or suit was what last week’s article was all about, because her attire is as important as the groom’s attire.
This week, we will look at the tips on how to select your bridesmaids. Now that you have that beautiful ring on your ring finger, you have told your family members about the engagement and you have picked a wedding date.
The next step is to start choosing your wedding party. This should be an exciting task as it a chance to round up your very favourite people to surround you on one of the happiest days of your life.
But the reality is, you cannot choose everyone and between your siblings, your cousins, your childhood friends, your high school close friends and your college roommates, the list goes on and on. You are going to make some cuts.
So how do you narrow it down to the right handful number of people, the ones that will make things easy and fun, not the ones that will stress you out and wear you down? It is very important to choose wisely.
Here are some tips that you can use when selecting the right bridesmaid.
Brides who choose their bridesmaids without forethought often end up with attendants who are not up to the task or who are initially excited, but lose interest in participating as the wedding day approaches.
Even worse, brides can lose friends in the stressful situations that can arise as the wedding is planned. All the drama is easily avoided if you select your wedding party carefully.
The key to choosing a bridal party is based on who you are close to and not on who you feel etiquette requires you to ask.
The day of a wedding and the months before hand can be so stressful to some brides and grooms but if you are surrounded by a good support system within your bridal party it can make all the difference.
Just remember that every new person you involve in that day adds new energy and sometimes not the good kind so select carefully and thoughtfully and be ok with whatever you choose even if it only means having two or three bridesmaids on your wedding.
The first step is that you have to take your time. Immediately after he proposes, it may seem like the perfect moment to ask your friends to stand up for you, but it is wiser to share the news of the engagement without raising the subject of the wedding party.
Your emotions will be running high, so you may wish to wait for things to settle down before making any decisions.
Should someone ask who your bridesmaids will be you can say that in all the engagement excitement you haven’t had a minute to think, keep in mind, while you can always ask someone to be in your wedding, it is not an invitation you can take back.
You have to stop seeing it as a stressful situation, as this will help you not to get stressed out. Secondly you should not take it for granted that the bridesmaids you have thought in mind will accept being your bridesmaids. It does not work out like that, because when they say no it will really stress you out.
The other thing you can do to take out the stress out of the decision is that you do not make stressful choices like asking the person you know is going to be really, really upset if you don’t ask them.
If they are going to turn your wedding into a personal referendum, that’s only going to get worse as it gets closer. Who needs the drama?
Don’t ask those you know cannot dance, too talkative or whatever the reason. If you think your wedding is going to be a heavy pull for them, don’t add to the pressure or to your own uncertainty.
Don’t ask anyone that you haven’t shared a laugh with at least once. Fun, laughter is a wedding essential so pick someone that you know you can have fun and laugh with. After all, that is the reason you are all there, not so?
The second step is that you have to think about your friend’s life situations. Is one of your candidates already committed to two other weddings this year? She may be relieved just being one of your guests.
Is another friend working outside town, maybe now isn’t the time to ask her to buy a pricey dress and commute for rehearsal’s every weekend. The same consideration should also apply to siblings or family members with demanding rules.
These friends can still be involved in the planning, and can be lifesavers with tasks like monitoring the guest list, or handing out programs.
Contemplate your maids as a group is the third step that can help you choose your bridesmaids wisely.
The question you should ask is that will everyone get along? It is wise to think about how they will work together.
If two of your close friends aren’t speaking to each other, don’t make yourself crazy by allowing your wedding to be their opportunity to confront each other.
Instead ask one to be a bridesmaid, and invite the other to do a reading or participate in another way.
The same goes for relatives, or for ex co-workers who parted under bad circumstances.
Step four is that if you will need a lot of help you have to make sure to select one or two bridesmaids you can really count on to hold everything together. Although you love her, the friend who is full of excuses may not be a wise choice.
Don’t let anyone pressure you to include someone you wouldn’t have picked on your own. Choose people who want to be in your wedding and who you want to be in your wedding, Period!
Don’t choose out of obligation because you were in their wedding so obviously you must return the favor or because your Mom is forcing you into selecting cousins.
Attendant spots are not guaranteed to women whose weddings you were in, nor to cousins that your Mother and Mother in law would like to see included.
Don’t just choose anybody, your bridesmaids are your pillars of strength during the wedding planning process and want to be enthusiastic about each of the wonderful friends who will accompany you down the aisle.
Resentment and guilt have no place at the altar on your wedding day. As you pick your bridesmaid, follow your heart, but don’t lose your head.
Keeping these points in mind you will be on your way creating supportive and helpful bridesmaids.
You have to manage and communicate your expectations to the lucky bunch and give them a programme and what you expect from each of them before they begin, be in control and tell them what you want and how you want it to be done, that way you will still have friends even after the wedding.
Remember brides, there is no wrong or right answer, to create a stress free affair, follow your heart and desire.
Keep in front of you that this is your day and everyone will eventually understand. You are making memories and they come from the love that you want to share with friends and family, so again follow your heart, as the saying goes “matters of the heart are sensitive”.
To have a memorable wedding does not mean you need a train of bridesmaids, just a small number will do, limit the bridesmaids to family and those special friends you consider as close as family.
Less can sometimes be more. It’s your day remember, so don’t feel pressured, at the end of it all it has to be your memorable wedding.
There are a number of ways to have those you love participate in the wedding without having them in the bridesmaid list.
Give them special assignments or tasks for the ceremony, like a special reading or ushering guests to seats and handing out a ceremony programme are always ways that make loved ones feel a part of the big day or if you want to keep the actual bridesmaids party small, have a section in the first row or second raw for all those special friends reserved to honor them.
Another way to smooth over any hard feelings for people who thought they should have been maid of honour is to assign them with a task like being in charge of the toss.
We all want to make those special to us feel important. If you have dear friends and are not certain how to handle them, have a luncheon in their honour or invite them to an aftermath and let them know they will be seated in the front row and the wedding wouldn’t be a success without them.
Have a blessed memorable wedding.
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