Dear Josephine
I am 28-year-old single teacher. I am in love with a fellow choir member who is also a teacher. I really love this girl so much that I  am planning to marry her.
The problem is that there is another man who came recently to our church who the girl is more interested in than me.
The Pastor had been encouraging us to marry till this other man who has a better job than me came on the scene. All of a sudden, the Pastor and the girl I want to marry have switched attention to this man. I feel the man was told about me and is enticing the Pastor to be on his side. What should I do? I am told he gives the Pastor a lot of money in what we term as ‘planting a seed’. I really love this girl and the coming of the other man has shaken me seriously and challenged my faith.
Hebert Nkuwa
Nakonde

Dear Hebert
I think your situation is desperate. If this girl loved you she couldn’t have switched her love to the new guy in your church.
This is a warning sign that God hasn’t approved this relationship that would certainly crack in future when money is involved.
If you are really born-again, you should quickly realise that God is talking to you to discontinue your relationship with this money-loving girl of yours.
My advice is find another girl who loves you for who you are as a teacher.
Imagine if you married this girl and another better-paid guy came along! You will be too committed to think of divorce, which is a sin in such circumstances.
Leave this girl and find another one. You are still young. As for your Pastor, he is very cheap and shameless, if he can switch allegiance from you to the other guy because of money.

My ex-wife is now pregnant

Dear Josephine
I am a 35-year-old man who has been married once. My first marriage lasted for a year when my relatives complained that I should divorce my wife because she was barren. I followed their advice and asked my wife to leave. I heard from the grapevine that she had gotten married to another man in Kalulushi who gave her a bouncy baby boy. I have not disclosed this information to my family who are now insisting I marry another woman who is ‘fertile’. I fear that it is me who has a problem. What should I do?
Ngosa K
Kafue

Dear Ngosa K
It is sad to hear that your family concluded that it is your wife who was barren exonerating you from the fertility problem.
Their action was grossly sexist and you are also to blame for following their advice.
I would suggest you see a doctor before marrying another woman.

Mum insists on love portions
Dear Josephine
I am happily married to a banker and we have lived happily for five years. God has blessed us with two children.
The problem is my mother keeps giving me love portions which she claims have been responsible for our happy marriage.
She told me that she has been giving all my four elder sisters who are married love portions, which explains their happy marriages.
She tells me that in Africa, it is impossible to have a happy marriage without using herbs.
I have been using love portions since I married my husband. We are Christians and this has made me guilty. What should I do?
MB
Lusaka

Dear MB
I pity you with your sisters for believing your old-fashioned and superstitious mother that you need to use love portions in marriage.
I would suggest you stop using them now. As a Christian, you know very well that such practices come from God’s enemy, who is the devil.
A marriage can survive without love portions.

I ‘love’ but hate my step son
Dear Josephine
I am a 46-year-old man who has married a woman who had a child from her previous marriage. I keep this child whom I have taken as my own son. Though I pretend to love this boy when my wife is around, I really hate him because he reminds me of my wife’s former husband. To make matters worse, he is more intelligent than my biological children. What should I do?
Godwin M

Dear Godwin M
When you commit yourself to somebody, there are consequences that you must bear, among them, accepting your partner wholly.
By accepting your partner wholly, I mean accepting their tribe, weaknesses, religion, family etc.
In your case, you knew for sure your wife was once married and had a child with her former husband.
When you married her, she had this child whom you had to parent as your own. Why should you then turn around and hate the poor child and start comparing his intelligence to that of your biological children?
In ci-Bemba, there is a proverb that says Mpyana ngo apyana namabala – meaning if you inherit something, you also inherit its negative attributes.

I’m in love with sister in-law
Dear Josephine
I am married to this woman who has stunning beauty that attracted me to her in the first place. Last week, her younger sister visited us from Kapiri Mposhi. She is four times more beautiful than my wife. I fell in love immediately I saw her. What should I do?
Kelvin D
Kitwe

Dear Kelvin D
In my years as an agony aunt, I have never handled a query based on selfishness and covetousness like yours.
While I am not against men or women marrying their partners using the appearance yardstick, I feel it should not be the sole basis for a relationship.
If it is, then it doesn’t take long before another better-looking person appears to challenge the person you claim to love.
Are you aware that there are several women who are better-looking than your wife’s younger sister? If you meet them, you will discard her the same way you feel about your wife.