DURING a gathering in Mansa that brought together officials from various primary and secondary schools countrywide, I was privy to a lunch-hour discussion born from a piece of gossip that exposed one of the reasons why sexual abuse of children usually goes unchecked and unpunished.
To put matters in perspective, the piece of gossip revolved around a certain woman whose boyfriend would pick her underage daughter from school or home and have sex with her in exchange for gifts and cash.
When this woman discovered what was going on right under nose, she vowed to deal with the man come hell or high water.
While the story was disturbing in its own right, what worried me more was a contribution by one teacher who could roughly qualify to be called a grandmother.
Instead of blaming the man or the girl’s mother for putting her in a precarious situation that exposed her to such a vile situation, this teacher said the child should have known better. “How could she accept to go out with a man that was her mother’s boyfriend?” “Mukulu! Kuti asumina shani umwaume wa banyina?” The educator asked in ci-Bemba.
The educator quoted here is a good example of a narcissistic parent.
Let me point something out. There is a reason why it is wrong to have sex with an animal. It is the same reason why it is wrong to have relations with a minor. If say a man was having carnal knowledge of a goat, he cannot claim the goat was happy to go along with him in the act. Animals CANNOT give consent. Neither can children because they are not capable of informed consent.
So for an adult like our good friend the teacher, and there are many out there like her, to say a minor should have known better is a disservice to the child and the justice system.
Children need protection. And when one is classified a minor it means that those older than her/him have a better moral compass of what is wrong or right.
Piling blame on a child that is a victim of abuse will likely lead to the child hiding future acts from parents because they feel he or she will be blamed while the perpetrator walks free.
In any situation, the oldest of a duo is the one to be held accountable.
Victims of child sexual abuse at the mercy of narcissistic parents grow up with shame, confusion, self blame and feeling it must be their fault.
With the alarming statistics of the high number girls and boys being sexually abused before they reach the age of 18, all parents must be ready to shield kids from a lack of empathy.
The cornerstone of narcissism is lack of empathy. Narcissists do not see or realise their behaviour has an impact on the children.
They do not step into someone else’s shoes and typically blame the victim.
Discouraging such narcissistic behaviour is step towards helping victims of abuse and preventing future cases of abuse. All adults should be aware that a child must not be blamed for the actions of an adult.
I would like to apologise to readers for dwelling on such a morbid subject for almost three weeks now.
Next week, I do promise to dwell on lighter subject. For comments and contributions email  norma.siame@gmail.com