. Chiluba

By MUNANDALU MONZE –
AS Zambians participate in the National Day of Fasting and Prayer tomorrow, as guided by 2 Chronicles 7:14, it is also important for everyone to reflect on the art of forgiveness.
We all have been hurt by others, anger, bitterness, resentment and vengeance of contentment. This can ravage us physically and emotionally.
Yet, only when we forgive from our heart can healing truly begin. Many colours blend together to make up our communities.
We live, love, laugh and hope; we work to provide for our families; we face pain, sorrow and at times we all experience anger and grief.
Holding on to grudges, hanging onto resentments and revisiting injustices while nursing bitterness will only hurt us in the end.
In short, forgiveness is not only about the perpetrator, but also a liberating gift you choose to give to yourself, because without it there is only darkness.
There is one simple secret to achieving happiness, balance, and better health and that is ‘’Letting go of past hurts and absolving the people who have caused them.
Forgiveness can help mend deep wounds and soothe the sting of shallower hurts.
And learning to let go of minor offenses can make you better at dealing with more serious transgressions.
Forgiveness is like a muscle; when you practice on smaller things, you gain the skill to deal with bigger ones.
Learning to practice it today can make you more resilient against future hurts. Uniformly, people who are taught to forgive become less angry, more hopeful, less anxious, less stressed, and more confident. They even learn to like themselves better.
We find that if people are able to make a move toward forgiving, if their heart is able to soften some and they feel somewhat less resentment, there is a substantial improvement in their emotional health.
The benefits extend beyond the psychological. Forgiveness can improve physical health in significant ways too. Such benefits include:
A stronger heart. Forgiveness can help the heart bounce back from strain. This means normal blood pressure.
A healthier immune system. Recalling feelings of compassion toward a person or situation increase the levels of immunoglobulin A (an antibody that helps fend off infections such as colds and flu).
Fewer headaches and back-pain relief.
Want to head into the future unburdened of toxic grudges? Some psychologists believe that most people go through four phases to get to forgiveness.
Admit it, you are hurt: If you have suffered a senseless tragedy, it is natural to react with intense emotions; fury, anguish, hostility.
You may feel ashamed or guilty for being angry, or try to bury emotion. But suppressing a smoldering resentment doesn’t mean it will eventually fizzle.
Those suppressed feelings can spark up and damage other areas of your life. You may be unconsciously keeping old hurts on simmer by offering ‘’faux forgiveness’’-essentially, insisting a wrongdoing is no big deal or that you’re over it when, in fact, you’re not.
It can be especially hard to admit that someone you love and trust has wounded you. But acknowledging and expressing that disappointment frees you to move on.
Decide, you are ready to let go: For some people, making the decision to release that anger and bitterness can feel especially risky.
If you have been hurt very deeply by someone, you may be concerned that forgiving him means exposing yourself to more abuse.
Forgiveness is not reconciliation.
It is not condoning unkindness, giving up your hurt feelings, forgetting what has happened, or excusing someone from taking responsibility for their actions. Deciding to forgive doesn’t mean you can’t seek justice.
Reframe, see the story from their side. Many of us stay mired in a grudge, even after we truly want to get over it, because we keep repeating the same bitter script in our heads about what happened.
Revise that story to include details about why the person who hurt you might have done so and you can help free yourself from that impasse. It is not that you excuse, or change, what has been done, you just cultivate a bit of empathy for that person so you can take his or her behavior less personally.
It is okay if it takes a while for you to even want to understand, let alone sympathise with, someone who has wounded you. ‘’There’s no timetable for forgiveness, everyone goes at their own pace.’’
(The author is a Grade 12 pupil at Hillcrest National Technical Secondary School in Livingstone)