BEHIND the closed doors of many ordinary houses in Zambia today, dark secrets of incest and sexual abuse are prevalent although they go un-reported.
While all abuse is traumatising, sexual abuse, especially by a family member can be humiliating.
Incest is present between uncle and niece, cousins and some biological fathers sexually abusing their own children.
Sibling child sexual abuse is also rife and takes place between brother – brother, brother – sister, sister – sister, as well as between half siblings, step – siblings, and adoptive siblings.
The Bible is against such sexual relationship as stated in the Book of Leviticus 18:9 which says: “The nakedness of thy sister, the daughter of thy father, or daughter of thy mother, whether she be born at home, or born abroad, even their nakedness thou shall not uncover”.
It, however, remains that sexual abuse between siblings continues to be one of the last taboos to be addressed by society and silence continues to surround the issue.
It is estimated that approximately 15 per cent of all people report some kind of sexual activity with a sibling in childhood. More specifically, studies have shown that between two per cent and four per cent of people have been sexually victimised by a sibling as the sexual contact involve some degree of forced or coercive activity.
Not too long ago, a housewife of Lusaka West told a Matero Local Court how her husband and her step-sons would have sex with her daughters while she was away.
In Serenje, residents, a few years ago, thronged the Serenje Magistrate’s Court to hear the case of incest involving Mukuwa Nicholas Bulaya and his younger sister Bertha Mwenda Chipapuka who were alleged to have been in an incestuous marriage for about 14 years and they had five children.
On the other hand, the Chipata High Court sentenced a 29 year old man of Lundazi to 20 years imprisonment with hard labour after convicting him of incest.
High Court Judge, Phillip Musonda, sentenced James Ngulube, of Kamangamukuta village in chief Mwase’s area after he was found guilty of unlawfully having canal knowledge of his niece.
Another woman narrated how she was distraught after finding her six-year-old son attempting to commit incest with his sister aged three.
But most of these cases still go unreported as families want to shield offenders.
“My barter with my brother was that he could do sex on me to practice for his girlfriends. I consented not because I enjoyed it but because I did not want my brother to be embarrassed when he went to his girlfriends. He was also threatening to leave me alone when my parents went out in the night,” one victim of incest says.
The extent of incest and childhood sexual abuse is difficult to measure because of lack of reporting but one study in which adults were asked to report on past incidents found that one in four girls and one in ten boys experienced sexual abuse.
What parents need to know is that whether or not the signs of abuse are physical and obvious, sexual abuse in homes is present and needs to be addressed.
Parents need to address the unreported cases of incest in homes because they can have life-long consequences on the victims.
Survivors usually blame ourselves long after the abuse has ended, for not saying no, for not fighting back, for telling or not telling, for having been ‘seductive’, and also for having trusted the abuser.
Many of them have difficulty with sexually intimate relationships because of the memories of childhood.
Experts say that just as battered women and women who have been raped often blame themselves for the violence, survivors of childhood sexual abuse struggle with self-blame.
Actually teenagers with a history of incest might “sleep around” in order to feel accepted, or run away from homes and communities.
“Depression is another common response to the abuse, and adult survivors often turn to drugs and alcohol to mask the pain. They feel worthless, hopeless and suicidal,” the experts say.
For many parents, it is usually very difficult to talk about incest or childhood sexual abuse with their children and the abuse continues unabatted for years.
When sexual abuse is perpetrated by a sibling, in many ways, it is even harder to break this silence, and there are certainly some special reasons that make sibling abuse especially difficult to disclose.
Most people who are abused turn to self-injury, substance abuse, eating disorders and disassociation which involves trouble concentrating and dramatic mood shifts, among others.
Whatever factors contribute to incest and sexual abuse of children, it is vital to remember that no child deserves to be sexually abused, and no child ‘invites’ it.
For some children, especially if the abuse has been on-going since they were very young, they can believe that this sexual interaction is just what happens between siblings.
Despite the sexual abuse, even when forced sexual assault takes place, children can feel a sense of loyalty towards their abusive sibling and not want them to get into trouble.
The experts say that many children of sibling abuse will not report it because they believe that the knowledge will devastate their parents.
Therefore, the children retain silence in order to protect their parents – and again this can carry on into adulthood.
The continued secrecy and community denial of child sexual abuse gives permission for the abuse to continue.
“In my home once I told of the abuse by my father. For years, I was made to feel like I owed my mother something and I paid dearly by being mistreated,” one survivor narrated.
Offenders are ‘normal’ men who are involved in ‘normal’ relationships and have ‘normal’ vocational/professional and social roles.
Some of the warning signs of incest are that a child will either avoid or be very attached to that parent or relation. The child may act more sexual, and may have either extreme fearlessness stance or become very familiar.
If a parent is at all suspicious that incest is going on, it’s important to discuss concerns with the other parent or relation.
“In my case, I have a 19-year-old step daughter and 23-years-old step son. I came home one day from work to find them both in the bathroom. I thought nothing of it until I woke up one night to return to my room, when I saw my son wrapped only in a towel, and coming out of his sister’s room.
“I quickly pushed him and opened my daughter’s door and I found her lying on the bed naked and smiling, probably thinking that it was her brother returning.
I said nothing but closed the door and returned to my room,” one devastated father narrated.
Sibling sexual abuse most often goes unreported and undetected by parents. According to experts, sibling incest, specifically brother-sister sexual relationships, may be five times as common as father-daughter incest.
Unless members of families and the community make an effort to change this status, the incest will continue.
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