THE BIBLE in the Book of Timothy 5 verse 8 says that “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Whether is in agreement with this Bible verse, many unemployed husbands have continued to suffer at the merciless hands of their working wives.
Many once upon a time happy marriages have turned sour after a husband lost a job and became unemployed.
It is important to note that losing a job or being unemployed is bad enough on its own but when a spouse also deserts you because of your situation s then it becomes a serious problem.
According to recent studies, for men, unemployment status can also make it more likely that their wives will divorce them.
Whether or not a woman had a job, however, had no effect on the likelihood that her husband would decide to leave the marriage, the researchers said.
In one research done by Ohio University in the United States of America, findings revealed that despite more women entering the workplace, the pressure on husbands to be breadwinners largely remains.
According to the report, in addition to increasing the chances their wives would leave them, unemployed men themselves were more likely to initiate divorce even if they reported being happy in their marriage than men with jobs.
The report further showed that when a husband is unemployed, stress goes up and self-esteem goes way down.
Experts also said that there is a sense of pride in being a responsible contributing member in the family and even in society so unemployed husbands suffer the shame of not contributing to the well being of their families.
Being employed also has social status and unemployed husbands are always unhappy when they are asked about what job they do in life.
Unemployed husbands are usually engulfed with panic and anger because of their status because they are not able to provide for their families.
On the other hand, living with a panicking or angry husband is tiring and stressful to a spouse.
“We had to divorce with my wife because after I lost my job, I was depressed and always angry at having to work with a reduced income. I was failing to provide for my family and that destroyed me,” one husband narrated.
Such husbands were also ashamed for not being able to provide for themselves or their families.
“As a husband who does not work, you tend to feel useless to yourself and to your family. We have failed to take care, to provide, and to protect those we love so what is the point of being a husband and a father? He said.
He explained that what worsened his situation was that his wife got a job and that was like adding salt to the wound.
“Initially I was feeling sorry for her that the burden of taking care of the family was now on her shoulders but as time went by, she started mistreating me and would return from work at whatever time she deemed fit.
“She would shout at me on why the children had not yet eaten and why I had not cooked in the first place. She would also be angry with me if I forgot to remove the clothes from the hanging wire outside.
“She would always remind me about how the rest of my friends were working and how I had completely failed her and the children by failing to get another job. I started resenting her and looked forward to divorcing her,” he said.
Many wives look down upon their husbands once they lose their jobs. They treat them as useless accusing them of being lazy and doing nothing the whole day.
Some wives with unemployed husbands go to the extent of dictating to them how much sugar they should put in their tea and even how much butter they should put on their bread.
They also dictate how much television these husbands should watch and continually caution them on wasting power by keeping the bulbs on and even by watching television.
One woman complained that the problem with her husband was that he was looking for the perfect job and that was prolonging his job search.
“My husband has been difficult from the time he lost his previous job. He is ever complaining about the house we live in and he also wants me to be buying him a new cell phone every now and then.
“I wanted a partner to help me run the home, not a house husband. I am stressed because of ever paying water and electricity bills as well as our children’s school fees. My husband is ever promising how things will change when he starts working but I do not believe that day will come,” she said.
This wife explained that she had tried to stick by her unemployed husband but now ‘enough is enough.
Definitely the loss of a job for a spouse, especially the husband, poses a threat on the marriage vows between a couple.
Couples should however bear in mind that it is still possible to stay happy even when one spouse is not working.
Couples can still cope with both the emotional and financial pressures of one of them being unemployed despite it being difficult.
Marital counselors advise such couples to strategise together on the job hunt for the unemployed spouse as this will assist keep them abreast of the actual position in the job hunt.
Wives should also not push their husbands or condemn them in the way they are conducting their job hunt.
They should instead as wives, encourage and boost their husband’s confidence during the job search period. This can be done by reminding themselves of the husbands’s strengths and accomplishments as well as contributions when the husband was in employment.
Communication lines should be kept open between these couples as it will assist them express their fears and seek help from others deal with the unemployment crisis of their husband more effectively.
“Do not force your spouse to recount every detail of his job search or interview. Instead, ask for the highlights or how he felt about an interview. Focus on his reactions and impressions, not on your need for information,” the experts said.
Wives should also treat the unemployment of their husband as a temporary and manageable situation.
Above all these, couples should keep the romance between for the benefit of their union.
“Focus on all that is right in your life and encourage your spouse to do the same. Try to think of this time as a gift and see what you can learn from it,” the experts said.
Remembering that life is not all about work will help the couple and indeed the wives to remain in perspective and assist make the job search a shorter, more pleasant experience.
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