SOME women who have children outside marriage have difficulties in raising them up because of lack of support.
For this reason, they have to do all they can to ensure that they find ways which would help them to raise the children properly.
Although they did not purposely want to have children outside wedlock and whose fathers would not be available, circumstances beyond their control have ruled over them.
Some have been hoodwinked by men who promised them marriage but in the end deserted them after impregnating them. Because of this, some women, especially those who are not in employment or doing any business, have to struggle to ensure the good upbringing of their offspring who did not have the opportunity of knowing their fathers.
Lucky are those who have been to school and although they could not be married by the men who impregnated them, they are able to look after their children while some of them have engaged themselves in businesses and have become prosperous for them to live well and nurture their children in proper ways.
But while some women have had difficulties in raising the children whose fathers have denied the responsibility, others have been so fortunate that some men who have proposed to have affairs with them despite not marrying them have taken full responsibility by taking good care not only for them but for their children as well.
A few days ago, I was in Ndola’s Pamodzi Township where I had gone to see a friend who called me to discuss some issues concerning his wife’s family.
I have not been in contact with this friend, let’s call him Joe, some time, but he called me after finding my phone numbers in the Saturday issues of the Times of Zambia where this column, The Eavesdropper’s Ears appears.
When Joe called me, he gave me some directions to the bottle store he runs and it was around 16.00 hours on Friday last week when I got there and I found Joe behind the counter acting as a bar man.
There were only a few people when I got to the bottle store but as the afternoon progressed into evening, more people were coming to the bottle store.
From the time I got to the bottle store, I did not see any female patron until about 18.00 hours when one walked in with a male companion who looked more like a henchman than a boyfriend or husband.
From the look of things, the two appeared to have had one too many from wherever they had come from.
The woman, probably in her late 40s, looked around as if looking for someone and not finding him, went to the counter and greeted Joe before she asked for a Castle Lager for herself  and a packet of opaque chibuku Shake-Shake for her male colleague.
The woman took a long swig from her beer and when she put the bottle on the counter, it was half way gone.
Then her cell phone rang and when she picked it from the counter where she had put it, she said to her companion before she answered that it was her ‘sweet heart’ who was calling.
I don’t know what her caller from the other end of the line was saying, but when the woman responded, I heard her say:”I am on my way sweet heart. Tell the bar man to give you some more beers, I am coming just now.”
Then she looked at her male colleague and told him that they should finish their beer because her sweet heart was waiting for them in Chifubu Township.
But instead of finishing their beer, the woman ordered another Castle Lager for herself, a packet of shake-shake for her friend and another packet for an old man who had asked for it from her.
It was then that I heard the woman tell the bar man who she apparently knew very well that she would never disappoint ba Fred(not real name) who was her boyfriend because he had done so much for her and her family.
“Balingafwa sana ba Fred.Balintwalila umwana ku college. Nshamonapo umwaume umusuma ngabena”(Fred has helped me a lot. He has taken my child to college. I have never seen a good man like Fred), the woman said to the bar man who nodded his heard in agreement.
As an eavesdropper, I thought there was something I was missing and I was very eager to hear more.
Then I heard the man who had come with the woman comment that ba Fred was really a good man who had done a lot for the woman.
It was at this point when the seemingly jovial woman, in her drunken stupor, started explaining to the bar man what ba Fred had done to deserve the praise.
Although the explanation was meant for the bar man, she was saying it very audibly for everyone around to hear.
According to her explanation, ba Fred, who was her boyfriend, had done something very important for her first born daughter, Mary (not real name) and she would never disappoint or let him down whatsoever for taking her daughter to college despite him being married to another woman with whom he had  children.
The woman explained that her boyfriend had asked her at one time what she would have liked him to do for her, but when she told him that he should do anything that he thought was good, the man told her that he would like to take her daughter to college and ensure that that she secured a good job in future.
“So he asked me to tell Mary to stop working where she was contracted as a casual. When she stopped working there, he found her a job where he was working. He told her to be saving some money so that she could pay at the college he was to find a place for her.
“Just after working for a short period, ba Fred secured a place at the college for her. Although she had saved some money, it was him who paid for her enrolment and she will complete her course very soon and then she will go back to the same company upon completing the course,” explained the woman.
The old man who had asked for a packet of Shake-Shake chipped in saying that the man was indeed a very good man and urged the woman to take good care of him.
“Don’t let that man slip away from your hands. He is a very good man. Very few married men take good care of their girl friends’ children, even taking them to school to say nothing of colleges and finding them employment,” said the old man.
Then the woman added that although ba Fred was a married man, he took the responsibility of caring for her and her family without complaints.
“He has really kept us. That’s why I can never disappoint him. He is like my own husband and the real father of my children. I have seen a lot of women with children out of wedlock suffering even though they have boyfriends who do not take care because they are married. I am very lucky and that is why I don’t hesitate to assist him each time he asks for money from me,” explained the woman.
As many people commended the man the woman was talking about saying he had a good heart, the woman I later came to know as a business woman, bought more beers for herself and for those who agreed with her.
Then her phone rang again. When she checked who was calling, she found that it was her sweet heart. Two hours had elapsed from the time she had told him that she was on her way.
“Hallo sweet heart, we have reached Prisons. We will soon be there. Ask the bar man to give you another beer,” she said as she finished her beer and rushed outside.
Shortly she came back and announced that she was leaving because her sweet heart was tired of waiting for her.
I saw Joe whisper to the woman and I heard her say :” It is alright, let him come”. He had asked her to give me a lift to Chifubu.
The woman and her companion continued heaping praises to ba Fred all the way from Pamodzi to Chifubu.
Really, some men can be very good to their offside women!

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