THERE was rumpus as Lazzo ran rings round his house and at the heels was a stocky stout woman chasing him to the amusement of the crowd.
He was running away from a beating after a domestic rift which had culminated into his thrashing by missus.
”Even if such a man went to the police, he would become a laughing stock,” said a bystander who seemed to have inside information.
“It is shameful that a man can run away from his own house fearing a woman who should be under his control!,” decried another onlooker with a tinge of sympathy for the beleaguered spouse.
The previous day, the woman had tied Lazzo to a bed and beat him with a belt and, wincing in pain, he cried out like a child ‘begging the woman to stop it’ as another spectator chipped in: “You mean that man let a woman strap him to the bed he sleeps on and let the woman go ahead and flog him?,” he asked with deliberate curiosity as he shook his head in disbelief.
A few witnesses chuckled while others laughed loudly and if Lazzo could be shown a video of the incident, he would be shattered at heart!
Trouble got to the hilt as Lazzo’s mother tried to intervene in a bid to stop the cunning beating but instead, she got a four-letter insult and she retreated.
Lately, the couple had become the talk of the neighborhood for their contentious lifestyle which revolved round Lazzo being on the receiving end.
Once, he was warned as the couple downed drinks at the watering hole that if he got too sloshed, she would ensure that he reclined on the reed mat for the night!
This time round, Lazzo was embroiled in his usual drinking spree with neighbourhood mates when missus appeared, evidently enraged by something.  Lazzo had just ordered a round of drinks when she stormed the watering hole.
At a distance from the counter, she stood with arms akimbo and ordered that Lazzo gets out for a short talk. Lazzo blushed as all and sundry stared at him!
He had to save the grain of masculine pride left by not being seen to obey his missus at the click of a finger.
“Since you don’t want to come out and talk to me, I will reveal to your friends what has happened at home. You and I know where we keep the money in the house. Now some amount is missing and I think that you took it!,” she said as she took two robust steps towards the counter where Lazzo was seated.
In a flash of a moment, she poured out a spurt of brandy which oozed out in spasms of a forced flow to the floor of the ‘watering hole’ as all discussion ceased save for a blaring beat from two  gigantic speakers perched near the rooftop in a diagonal pattern.
After the dramatic performance, she saved Lazzo an instant manhandling and spontaneously left the premises as debate set in with some of it chiding Lazzo for being under what one patron described as a ‘petticoat government’.
A patron who gave the whole episode a light slant pledged a round of drinks to make Lazzo forget the trauma of being tormented by a woman!
There was a sudden wave of laughter in unison after the announcement which was followed by the delivery of alcohol to the gathering that was still recovering from the shock imported to the fraternity by Lazzo’s missus.
“There is a sudden surge of women pouring their wrath on men these days, especially after repeated warnings against gender-based violence which seems to protect the womenfolk who for a long time have been battered by their menfolk,” said one man who worked in a library at a private university.
“But still, there are numerous men in the background who have been clobbered by their wives before but have kept the beatings as a closely guarded secret. I have met men who when asked about a wound on their forehead woud say, ‘I was sitting under an open window and then suddenly, I stood up to hit the corner of the window frame.’
They would say this when in fact, they were knocked on the head with a cooking stick which cut their tender facial skin! ,’ declared the patron.
“I have grown up to realise that of the world’s two pair, a female has more intrinsic desire for money and property.
How do you explain the sudden rush for furniture and other household goods when the going gets rough in a home?,” asked the retired teacher.
“I have got an answer for that one,” replied a bald-headed man at the far corner of the counter who continued, “Ensure that you build two houses as a safeguard against being ransacked by a woman and make sure it is registered in your son’s name.”
He explained that the logic behind this theory was that when a woman runs amok and wants to grab your property, according to the law, she can at least mess around with one house while you remain with one.
“Yes, I know one man who built several houses and distributed them among his children, including his wife. He told them that now, he would build his own house and he did not want anyone to interfere with this property.
“He even warned his wife that in the event of his demise, she should run back to her own house he built for her and end there…” another patron with a half-filled beer bottle said as he further depleted the contents.
Lazzo’s mobile phone rang and his friend had just invited him to another watering hole in the city.
He excused himself and was soon standing by the roadside to chance a minibus into town.
He knew that by the time he got back into the Bronx, the watering hole fraternity would have dispersed.
He was soon on his way to the central business district of Lusaka on a seemingly long journey because the bus stopped randomly to pick anyone who seemed to be heading into the city…He thought it was a snail’s pace journey as always.