DEAR Josephine
SINCE I lost my job two years ago, I have gone through hell in my marriage. My wife suddenly became a stranger showing another side of her character that I had never seen before. She started denying me sex and became remote.
I know she was silently challenging me to confront her since I could tell she wouldn’t hesitate in divorcing me. Last week, I got an offer letter from some international NGO offering me a job. I have not told my wife about the job offer since I now know that she only loves me when I am working.
I am still very angry with her and I feel this is the time to end our ‘marriage.’ I feel she has failed the test of ‘till death do us apart.’ What should I do?
LK
Kitwe
Dear LK
I can tell from the tone of your letter that you are very angry with your wife for treating you shabbily. However, having made this observation, I feel you are also partially to blame since you have never discussed your predicament with your wife.
There is no enemy of any relationship like non-communication. Being vindictive is not a solution. Don’t divorce your wife simply because you have got a job. Instead talk to her about her behaviour. You might involve other people.

She lied about her age
Dear Josephine
I have been married to a woman who told me that she was five years younger than me. Recently I discovered that she is in fact six years older than me. The discovery has eroded all the trust I had for her since I feel she could even be cheating me on me with other men.
I am even thinking of taking all our children for a DNA test since I now doubt my paternity. The revelation has somehow killed my libido and I feel like calling it quits. Somehow I am still in this relationship because of the children. What should I do?
Confused
Chililabombwe
Dear Confused
I feel for you that your wife cheated you about her age. However, I don’t agree with your wild suggestion that she is sleeping with other men and your fear that the children are not yours. I would want you to judge her by the issue at hand-that is  cheating.

She now drinks excessively
Dear Josephine
I introduced my wife to alcohol when we were both at University. Now she is hopelessly hooked on the bottle long after I stopped drinking myself.
She usually goes out drinking with her friends and comes back sloshed. When I confront her about her drinking, she blames me as being responsible for her condition. If there was no connection between drinking and immorality I wouldn’t have been concerned about her love for alcohol.
However, I feel jealousy when she goes out drinking since I fear she might engage in other immoral activities associated with drinking. What should I do?
John C
Kabwe
Dear John C
I always feel for people who engage in seemingly innocent activities like drinking or smoking. These habits especially the former sometimes get out of hand leading to divorce, disease or even death.
However, since you have stopped drinking, I would suggest you sit your wife down and discuss her drinking problem and your fears of its consequences.
Her defence that you are to blame is a weak one. Single or married, excessive drinking is not good for someone’s health.

Worried about my job
Dear Josephine
I have been dating this young man for many years and we plan to marry. He is a loving and caring man whose company I deeply enjoy.
Problems started recently when I got a job in a hotel as a receptionist. I could tell that he disapproves of my job since he is madly jealousy. He has since stopped making love to me and I can say he is on the verge of ending the relationship. When I raised the issue, he says he doesn’t care about my job but his behaviour is giving him away. What should I do?
Winfridah
Lusaka
Dear Winfridah
I feel your boyfriend is not being fair to you. If you have been together for many years with no problems that in itself shows that you have been faithful to him.
Why should he suddenly fear that you have become unfaithful? If a woman wants to misbehave, she can easily do that regardless of her profession.
Talk to him about your loyalty to him to dispel his unfounded fears.

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