A FEW weeks ago, I wrote about a story I eavesdropped concerning a married man in Ndola who used to go out to Kitwe at a lodge with his neighbour’s wife.
After seeing that article, a reader from Northern Province called me to say he was also a victim of such a predicament and what had happened to him was that his boss grabbed a wife from him.
I have come to learn that the issue of men grabbing women or going out with other people’s wives is very common.
I also came to learn that it is not only men who grab other men’s wives; women too, are very well-known to be snatchers of their friends’ husbands.
While some men are fond of grabbing other men’s wives, they do it secretly without their relatives knowing about it until they are found out, but it is surprising that some women openly grab their friends’ husbands and they have the full blessings of their relatives – especially mothers – in such evil acts.
Last week, I took a visit to my relatives who reside in Chipulukusu Township.
After disembarking from the minibus at Minsundu bus stop, I had to walk a distance along the Minsundu Road.
There were a number of people heading the same direction and this made my walk easy.
Just behind me was a group of women, a man and some children with hoes perched on their shoulders. They were obviously going to their maize fields.
I was walking fast and I was about to bypass this group when I heard one woman complain: “Awe kwena efyo bacita bana Bwalya te cisuma. Kuti basuminisha shani umwana wabo ukupwa kumulume wamunankwe uwo batemwana nankwe sana (No, what Mrs Bwalya has done is very bad. How could she allow her daughter to get married to the husband of her best friend?) On hearing this, I slowed my pace because as an eavesdropper, I thought this was interesting and I wanted to hear more.
How did Mrs Bwalya allow her daughter to get married to her best friend’s husband? I wanted to know.
“Eco aba bakashana babalowela. Kuti uleti munandi, kanshi alikupita panshi akupoka nomulume (That is why these girls are bewitched. You may think you have a best friend and yet she goes underground and grabs your husband),” commented another woman. The man who was alone in the group of four women laughed.
“But even Mr Bwalya shouldn’t have allowed that to happen. He knew very well that woman was his daughter’s best friend,” said the man.
How did this happen? What led to Mr and Ms Bwalya having their daughter get married to her friend’s husband?”
It was while I was pondering this when the woman started explaining to the others what had happened.
According to the woman, Mr and Ms Bwalya knew that their daughter had been going out with her friend’s husband because the man’s wife approached them to complain about their daughter’s behaviour.
She said when the man’s wife approached them to tell them about their daughter going out with her husband, they told her that they had nothing to do with that because it was the man who proposed their daughter and asked to marry her.
“Temunobe uwafwaile abalume bobe. Balume bobe abamufwaile (It is not your friend who proposed your husband. It was your husband who proposed her),” was the response Ms Bwalya gave the man’s wife when she approached her.
Another woman chipped in and explained that Ms Bwalya was saying life was tough these days and it was not easy for young women to find men to marry them and if an opportunity came by for them to get married, it was a chance which should not be missed.
The woman said Ms Bwalya was boasting that the man was very generous and before he could approach them to announce that he was going to marry their daughter, he was providing a lot of assistance, including buying mealie meal, books and uniforms for the school-going children and providing money for other things which were missing at home.
“Balelanda nokuti uyu mufundo udulilefi, ngatabalimine uno mwaka kubula balya batata. Balibashitila umufundo wapanshi no wapamulu, Kuti wapulusha shani umwaume waifi (She was even saying with the soaring price of fertiliser, the family could not have managed to cultivate the maize field this year, and that the man bought basal and top dressing fertilisers for them. How could you let go of such a man)?” asked the woman who explained that this was what Ms Bwalya was telling her neighbours.
The woman who started the story explained that some people approached Mr and Ms Bwalya advising them not to accept the man who wanted to marry their daughter because his wife was their daughter’s best friend. But this fell on deaf ears.
“Ms Bwalya was saying people were just jealous because the man loved her daughter more than the other woman,” the woman said.
She narrated that Ms Bwalya was not concerned that the man married her daughter because she said if the man’s wife was fair, she could have accepted her to enter into polygamy.
“Balelanda ati bengi abakashana ababa kumpali, ngaena kuti akanashani ukuti umunankwe opweko pantu baume abafwaya (she was saying there were so many young women in polygamous marriages and she wondered why the man’s wife did not want her friend to get married to him, after all it was men who proposed and decided),” the woman explained.
The man contributed to the discussion, saying even if it were men who decided to be polygamous, it was wrong to marry someone who was a best friend to your wife because she was like a sister.
He said it was in fact Mr and Ms Bwalya’s daughter who was refusing to get into polygamy and the man decided to chase his wife in preference for her.
The women expressed sympathy for the woman whose husband was snatched by her friend. They said the woman had since packed her belongings and left to stay with her relatives in Nkwazi Township.
The women went on to complain that Mr and Ms Bwalya’s actions were evil. They condemned the couple for sinking so low just because the man lured their daughter by buying them mealie meal and fertiliser.
“They will realise when it is too late that what they did is bad. That is encouraging prostitution,” one of the women said.
As the topic progressed, I reached the junction leading to my destination. Momentarily, I thought of continuing to listen to these people and decided that I should follow them a bit longer, but then I had heard enough.
I was left wondering how Mr and Ms Bwalya would have felt had it been their daughter whose husband had been snatched.
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