Choosing life partner (Pt 4)
Published On February 8, 2014 » 2201 Views» By Davies M.M Chanda » Features
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Family life logoIT is therefore, a wise parent who counsels his son or daughter, “Choose your partner on the basis of what he or she is now, not on the basis of the change you thing you will bring out after you are married.
In choosing your mate, take note of the following:
• Beware of a friend who tells a series of hard-luck stories.
• Beware of a friend who has a habit of making excuses and apologies.
• Beware of a friend who has a habit of blaming others.
• Beware of a friend who tells white lies.
• Beware of a friend who keeps the extra change given to him by mistake.
• Beware of a friend who makes promises too easily.
• Beware of a friend who borrows too often.
• Beware of a friend who has debts.
• Beware of a friend who is careless in personal neatness.
• Beware of a friend who condones evil practices.
• Beware of a friend who tells off-colorful stories.
• Beware of a friend who talks about sex.
• Beware of a friend who is personally acquainted with persons who have questionable records.
• Beware of a friend who doesn’t want you to be acquainted with his/her family.
• Beware of a friend who does not get well with his or her parents.
• Beware of a friend who ridicules church standards.
• Beware of a friend who does not participate in religious activities.
• Beware of a friend who uses profanity when his “tongue slips.”
• Beware of a friend who admits that his or her past record is questionable but hastens to say “I have turned over a new leaf.
Great care should be taken by Christian youth in the formation of friendships and in the choice of companions.
Take heed, lest what you now think to be pure gold turns out to be base metal. Worldly associations tend to place obstructions in the way of your service to God, and many souls are ruined by unhappy unions, either business or matrimonial, with those who can never elevate or ennoble.
It is important to weigh every sentiment, and watch every development of character in the one with whom you think to link your life destiny.
The step you are about to take is one of the most important in your life, and should not be taken hastily. While you may love, do not love blindly.
Examine carefully to see if your married life would be happy or inharmonious and wretched. Let the questions be raised, Will this union help me heavenward? Will it increase my love for God? And will it enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life? If these reflections present no drawback; then in the fear of God move forward.
Spiritual Characteristics of a life partner to be:
• Is my potential mate a believer?
• Does his or her life show evidence of the fruits of the spirit (Gal. 5:22, 23).
• Have my partner and I discussed our spiritual lives with their struggles and goals?
• Have we ever prayed together? If not why not?
• Do we agree on a Church, on our basic standard of living, on our views of right and wrong and our perspective about a Christian home?
Spiritual Maturity:
• A tendency to behave according to ones age.
• Capacity to assume responsibility.
• An ability to look at oneself and ones problems    objectively.
• An understanding of other people’s feelings and a sensitive ability to respond to these emotions.
• An ability to acknowledge and how to control emotions.
• A growing independence from the control of family and friends.
• A willingness to postpone immediate gratification so that greater satisfaction can be attained in the future.
• A responsible attitude towards sex.
• A realistic and essentially positive self-image.
• An ability to make choices and live with the consequences of one’s decisions.
Ellen G White writes, “Immature marriages are productive of a vast amount of the evils that exist today. Neither physical health nor mental vigor is promoted by a marriage that is entered on too early in life.
Upon this subject altogether too little reason is exercised. Many youth act from impulse.
This step, which affects them seriously for good or ill, to be a lifelong blessing or curse, is too often taken hastily, under the impulse of sentiment.
Many will not listen to reason or instruction from a Christian point of view.
And finally, people who are in love should be more energetic, more creative than before.  They should be able to study harder, work harder, and accomplish more.  Loving also includes liking and respecting.
It approves of or allows for the habits, personalities, and interests of the other.  There is no hidden agenda of wanting to effect major changes in the other to make him or her more acceptable, more “fitting” or fantasised image of the perfect love.
Love does not try to talk into or coerce, rationalise, or manipulate the others values or ideals.  Love seeks the ultimate and constant good of the loved one” [Messages to Young People, p. 453].
In conclusion, husbands and wives should understand that they are travelers in this world, the best they can do is to find honest, faithful, compassionate marriage partners.   Those who fear the Lord, and those who are committed in all marital endeavors.
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